“It is much easier for me to imagine a praying murderer, a praying prostitute, than a vain person praying.  Nothing is so at odds with prayer as vanity.”  Bonhoeffer

As I think on this quote, I’m puzzled and concerned.  Vanity is something that has enraptured our culture.  We obsess about clothes, cars, technology and accessories.  Anything that makes us stand out and be noticed.

I think about people who paint their bodies with tattoos.  Is there a deeper meaning to this art, or a silent cry, “Notice me, pay attention to me, I’m not worthless!”  Are piercings an expression of individuality when so many are following the growing crowd?

But often, those who the culture looks down upon are the same ones that pray the most.  Some may visit church regularly, or not at all.  Some may not even be particularly religious.  Yet, they pray to God.  Maybe they see him as the man upstairs, or Charlton Heston, or Morgan Freedman.  Maybe they see God as a woman, or the universe itself.  But they pray.

Something spurs them to pray to the one they cannot see, cannot hear, cannot touch.  Some may call this insanity.  Others say they’re hedging their bets, just in case there is a God out there.  Still, the murderer prays.  The prostitute too.  Even the homeless man says his prayers before he goes to bed.

They don’t have the luxury of vanity.  They are not fabulously dress, influential, wealthy, powerful.  The world walks by, as they live in the shadows, ignored, unloved.  But they pray.

If the murderer & prostitute prays to God, why don’t we?  With all of our wealth, beauty, and intelligence, we are not much different that them.  We hide our insecurities with witty conversations, lavish vacations, and lusty rendezvous.  And when we are alone, ignored by those who are supposed to praise us, will we pray too?

As I watched this video, I have to admit I was not comfortable.

He could have written this rap for me.  How often have seen my family sitting on the couches, texting, surfing, anything but interacting.

And I’m guilty of it too.  Sure, my excuse is, “I’m researching…”, but it’s just that.  In an age where we can drink from the fire hydrant called the internet, we are losing the art of having a one on one conversation.

What do you do that helps you have real conversations?

“When we go to the gym, we know that soreness & pain are part of growing. The troubles of life are part of our spiritual growth, if we are willing to get better & not bitter.”

As someone who is no longer in his 20s, I’m painfully aware that by body is not in the best of shape.  I wasn’t an athlete in high school, but I was thin, and in decent shape.  I used to be able to eat insane amounts of food and not gain weight, but now I struggle to pass the Twinkie boxes as they call out, “Just one bite, no one will ever know.”

So now, I’ve come to realize that no one is going to lose weight or get fit for me; if I want to be healthy, that’s my responsibility.  I have only myself to thank if I succeed, and only myself to blame if I fail.  Begrudgingly, I walk to the gym, even though I know from experience that I will feel better after the workout than when I started.

Taking care of our bodies is important, because we we’re only issued one, and replacement parts are hard to come by.  Now I’m not blind to the fact that one day this body will ultimately shut down; I just want to be able to be enjoy the beauty of life with as few obstacles as possible.

Too often, in the pursuit of excitement & pleasure, we punish our bodies with activities and substances that leave latent scars.  They are not noticeable at first, but the accumulation of damage will eventually reach its tipping point, and surface as a health crisis.  Think diabetes, cancer, heart attack, stroke, infections, you name it.  So what do we do, continue to sing “Turn down for what?” as we claw years off of our lives, or make a choice to live differently?

Taking care of your body is a good thing.  Of equal, if not greater importance, is our souls.  That non-material part of us that is made up of our mind, will and emotions.  The part of us that interacts with others, that dreams, that wakes up our sleepy bodies, and that reflects on the day’s events.  The part of us what will continue when our body breathes it’s last, and goes cold.

It’s easy to obsess over the physical side of us, and forget the spiritual side.  We may indulge in activity that exhilarating, but not consider what will happen when high fades.  Are we left with emotional scar, because the relationship we thought was growing is now discarded?  Are we in unhealthly relationships, where manipulation & abuse are the norm and shred our dignity?  Are we putting up with behavior that we find repulsive, annoying, or offensive, all in the name of “tolerance & getting along?”

As we take care of our bodies, we need to care for our souls.  This is precious cargo, and avoiding destructive scars is more productive than the long process of healing.  But just like our bodies stay strong through good eating and being active, our souls also need healthy interactions to grow and get stronger.

Relationships are the gym of our souls, and there are numerous opportunities to engage our souls in meaningful exercise.  Some relationships are like a great workout, and leave us charged up and exhilarated.  Think of a time when you had a barbeque with your friends, or a pool day, or a camping trip.  You had a great time, made some good memories, and there were (hopefully) no regrets in the morning.

Some relationships are like cigarettes, which promise much and take more than they give over time. Think of blind dates gone wrong, or that person you met who texts you incessantly.

Some relationships are like meth; debilitating, addictive, and leaving you with a host of consequences you never bargained for.  This is the dream, whose abuse and erratic behavior is turning your life into a nightmare.

Growth comes from conquering difficulties, and avoiding dangers.

Do you want to grow?  What are you doing to grow?

As I type, I can think of so many reasons why I shouldn’t.

“It’s getting late”

“I need to get some sleep”

“There are so many other blogs out there.  Why would anyone want to read mine?”

They all seem to make sense.  Each one has just enough truth to make me want to stop.  But that’s the point of these thoughts.  To get me to stop.

So, why would I be my own saboteur?  Why short-circuit my own efforts?

Some would say that these thoughts are not my own, and I find some truth to this.  It doesn’t make any sense for someone to be their own worst enemy.  It would seem reasonable that negative thoughts would not have to come from ourselves, our past, or our interactions with others in every case.

Now I’m not saying that all negative thoughts come from without our minds.  Plenty of critical, hurtful, nasty words are hurled at us throughout our lives, by people who themselves have been hurt.  But when there is no good reason to explain why you are engaging in a pity party or a downward spiral of self-loathing, one has to ask where are those thoughts originating from, and if there is a person, a being, generating these thoughts.

A related question is this; where did the first negative thought come from?  If we had no prior reference of negative and positive, how do we now know the difference?  And for that matter, what do we measure thoughts against to determine which are good and which are bad?

But at the end of the day, we must deal with these negative thoughts.  Because if we don’t, we will be like the kid who’s always shying away from the bully.  Bullies get their power from our fears, and negative thoughts are the bullies of our minds.

Negative thoughts are like a cancer.  They grow and multiply, crowding out positive and healthy thoughts until they overcome their host.  To fight a cancer, one must use a combined strategy of offense and defense.

The offensive strategy is to foster relationships that affirm you and your worth as a living, thinking, feeling being.  This can come from family, friends, loved one, and the divine.  What has surprised me is that the best relationships are often few in numbers.  Deep relationships take time, and most people can only go deep with a small number of people.

The defensive strategy is to limit or eliminate relationships that diminish you and your worth.  Sadly, family, loved ones, pseudo-friend, as well as acquaintances, co-workers, and strangers can all bring negative baggage with them.  Shallow relationship can often foster the greatest negativity, because there is little cost to establishing or breaking them, and there is little to lose by hurting others.

So when you have a negative thought, ask yourself; why is this thought in my mind?  What value is this thought adding to my life?  Will this though make me wiser, wealthier, more compassionate?  If the answers are none and no, then the next step is to expel the though.

You make simply need to focus on the positive alternative to the thought.  Other times, you may need to examine the thought to determine it’s source, which may be other negative thoughts.

Either way, removing the negative requires uprooting and replacing.  Removing is not enough, because vacuums will be filled eventually.  Fill your thinking with thoughts that are beautiful, not ugly; loving, not hateful; generous, not selfish; joyful, not depressing.  Then let your positive thoughts fuel your emotions, and those emotions fuel your actions.

How do you deal with negative thoughts?  How do you fill your mind with joyful thoughts?  What tips can you offer me and others?